my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize