The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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