Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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