I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
