Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
