I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
