Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
