Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
