One girl and one boy is just not enough.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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