I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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