I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
