I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
