She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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