there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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