Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
