we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
