I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
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Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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