Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
