omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
