i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
