His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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