So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
