from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
No subtext here. People are naked.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
