Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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