if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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