walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
