There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
