just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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