she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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