So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
