I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
