Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
