I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
