he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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