Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize