you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
