i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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