Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
