did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
