I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
