i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
smell my finger.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
