Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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