he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
wow bdsm is so cute
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
