why didn't you poke me back
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
