My first STD was from a foam party
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
