you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
