My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
