In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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