i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
