I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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