Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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