I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
