He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
