Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
