They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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