Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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