i just wanna soil my oats bro
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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