sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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