he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
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I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
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Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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