Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You're like the curious george of whores
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
