Kiss
Puke
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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