Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
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