Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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