I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
