we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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