The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
