Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize