i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
